sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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