when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
