you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
