hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
