In the future we'll all be gay
she was so not down for the gang bang
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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