508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize