you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
