She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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