I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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