She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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