Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
