there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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