I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
