based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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