How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i think i just lost a toe
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
