so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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