I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
