alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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