My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
