I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
