So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
