i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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