She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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