people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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