I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my being single is dangerous.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
