roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
