She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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