what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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