Having a random hookup so left but love u
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize