Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
