he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
