we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
