drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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