Fine. I'll sleep in my office
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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