Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
