Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
