im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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