what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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