weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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