I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
