We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
