bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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