I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so let's talk penis.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
