He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
