If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
