I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
