sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
