you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize