It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
