then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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