Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
