Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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