first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
