Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
