there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
