Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
