I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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