We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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