There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
