who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
