Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
