Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
