Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
