It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Randomize
