I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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